This is a book I just recently purchased, through Kindle, and wanted to share with you!
This morning my oldest came to me all upset because her little sister was "yelling at her and being rude" and it really hurt her feelings. What do you normally do, as a parent, in situations like that? For me, a typical response is to call the "culprit" in, ask them why they were yelling, tell them to apologize and move on. Well not today....instead I tried applying some of the aspects of things I have read in the book towards the situation. I never called the "yelling child" into the room. I focused my attention on my oldest daughter and what transpired was amazing. I ended up having a heart to heart with my oldest about her own heart/actions and praying with her about things.
We talked about a "rule-breaker" and a "rule follower". My oldest sees herself as a "rule follower" and she wants to make sure others follow the rules too! I asked her, "Which of those two is in the wrong?" and she said, "The rule breaker". I explained how both sides can actually be wrong. Yes we want our kids to follow the rules but when they put following the rules as more important than a person, what happens is their actions lack love and grace. She ends up coming across as controlling and bossy to her little sister. I reminded her how desperately we all need Jesus because we all sin...even in times when we "think" we are in the right. I shared about Jesus who "came to serve NOT to be served". One way He displayed this was by washing his disciples feet and then ultimately by laying down his life for each and every one of us. God has called her to be a leader, which is very different than a boss! She has to learn how to put others first and respond in LOVE and only Jesus can do that in her! None of us follow the rules perfectly 100% of the time. We all need God's grace, everyday, and we as parents especially need to parent with grace! (P.S...I did talk to the yelling child as well and prayed with her!)
A Quick Parenting Quiz...
True or False: If my children perform poorly in public, I feel crushed or angry.
True or False: A "good" child, one who outwardly keeps the rules, is good enough for me.
How are your children raised?
A) In the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
B) In the discipline and instruction of the law.
What Is Our Acceptance by God Based On?
When our children were young we thought that the key to raising good children was to raise them in the discipline and instruction of the law. To that end we talked about the law, laid down the law, and concocted additional laws to solve sin problems. But there is a huge difference between loving the law and loving the Lord. When we fail to discern it we run the risk of raising trophy children trained to believe that their acceptance by God is based more on what they do for Him than what Jesus has done for them.
Unable to Save, Powerless to Change
Every time we discipline our children without the gospel we resort to the despair-breeding, Pharisee-producing law that is not only unable to save our children, but also powerless to change them. Give them Grace authors Elyse Fitzpatrick and her daughter Jessica Thompson will help you to discern the difference between gospel discipline and moralistic parenting.
What is Gospel Discipline?
The unspoken goal of most popular child discipline books is that what God wants from our children is morality. Unregenerate children are told that they are pleasing to God when they have achieved a moral victory. But if that were true, then why did Jesus have to die? If we believe that salvation comes only though the Savior, why do we subject our less-than-perfect children to more and more laws? What exactly is gospel discipline and how does it differ from social, civic, and even religious obedience? And if outward conformity to religious obedience is not proof of regeneration, what is?
Dazzle Your Kids with the Gospel of Jesus
Subtitled Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus, Give them Grace could have just as accurately been subtitled Dazzling Your Kids with the Gospel of Jesus. This revolutionary perspective so clearly shows parents the importance of transmitting the life changing truths of the gospel to even the youngest of children. Give Them Grace will show you how to model your parenting after the heavenly Father, who changed His children not by wrath and the law but by grace.
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