Dancing Through The Seasons - Week 5

It's a bird! It's a plane! Wait it's Super Mom!

Photo Courtesy of Dana Leigh Photography


Oh how I wish it were so, but the truth must be told, I am not and never will be "Super Mom".  I've made plenty of mistakes along the way.  There have been times when other moms appear to me, to be that "Super Mom".  They have well behaved kids, always seem to speak with gentleness and patience, make homemade gourmet meals all the time, have a well maintained home, and on and on.  But the reality is, we all have imperfections and we all are raising imperfect kids. If anything in life humbles us, it's being a mom.

The one thing every mom has in common is our need to sit and soak in God's amazing grace!! And it's that same grace that we must pour out onto our kid’s every day.

Google Image

In a home with 3 little girls there are plenty of moments of emotions, tears, screams, attitudes, selfish actions, drama, tattle telling and crankiness.  It can definitely feel overwhelming and more than I can take at times.  I want my days to be easy going, everyone getting along, everyone following the rules, and a calm and peaceful atmosphere...is that too much to ask? 


When one of my girls acted or spoke in a wrong manner I was quick to show disappointment both with my tone and body language.  I would say things like, "You know better than to do that!", "What were you thinking?". "Why would you treat your sister that way?", and other similar statements. 


I recently had a revelation after reading the book, "Give them Grace: Dazzling your kids with the love of Jesus", that I was parenting with this expectation of perfect obedience and perfect rule following. 


Is my goal to raise up kids who are great "Rule" followers?  No it's not!  Following the rules is good, but the reality is they will fail, because they have a sin nature (Romans 3:23).  Its more beneficial to my girls that I show them how to be great "Jesus" followers.  I am learning to pour out grace on myself and my girls and to be "slow to anger and rich in love". Rather than feeling disappointment when I have to "deal" with wrong behaviors, attitudes, and actions, It's an opportunity to point my girls to Jesus.  Every time they fall short, I can remind them that Jesus is standing with arms wide open ready to receive, embrace, forgive, and pour out grace upon their lives.  

I need to hold myself and my kids to a standard of GRACE not perfection.

"The Lord is gracious and compassionate.  Slow to anger and rich in love" Psalms 145:8

"God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God." Ephesians 2:8


Do you struggle with mom guilt?  Do you find yourself making comparisons to other moms?  Does it seem like your patience level is very low?  When your kids disobey or make a wrong choice, do you feel like you always come down hard on them? Do you have unrealistic expectations of perfection for your kids?  For yourself? God wants to exchange the guilt for His grace.  Grace is a gift lavished upon our lives, it's not based on good works, following the rules, or perfection.  I encourage you to take a moment and surrender those areas to the Lord.

      
Having a standard of grace has made a tremendous difference in my parenting efforts.  My perspective has changed a lot.  How I handle situations has improved.  Am I perfect in my efforts?  No.  But thats where God's grace comes in! 


Here are some great recommendations:

• Give them grace: Dazzling your kids with the Love of Jesus
• Grace Based Parenting
• Shepherding a Child's Heart

Thank you so much for participating in this 5 week series with me!  I plan to do another series in the near future!  


For those who missed previous posts in this series:
Dancing Through The Seasons - Week 1
Dancing Through The Season - Week 2
Dancing Through The Seasons - Week 3
Dancing Through the Seasons - Week 4


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Photo courtesty of Dana Leigh Photography

Dancing Through The Seasons - Week 4

Photo Courtesy of Dana Leigh Photography


"I want, I need, I must have"
Helping our daughters to be content

Recently on our drive home from a play date, "Mooki" was in the back seat sulking.  Our dear friends, whose house we had just left, had made a decision to let their 8 year old daughter have a cell phone. "Mooki" was in her "I want, I need, I must have" mode.  "Mommy, I really want a cell phone too", she said.  I responded with "No honey, there is no need for you to have your own phone yet", then came the, "That's not fair, ALL my friends have phones". (Uh...not quite)

It would have been so easy for me to put my foot down and say, "I said NO and that is the end of this conversation, do not bring it up again", but I didn't do that.  I really tried to listen to her, ask lots of questions, and get to the root issues going on in her heart.  As our conversation continued, she finally admitted feeling jealous.  I was able to validate her, be understanding of how she was feeling, and also use that moment to teach contentment. 

  Why do they believe their little friends seem to have "way cooler" toys, "way cuter" clothes, and "way more" dolls?  Even us mom's can battle those thoughts too (I'll be addressing this more next week!).  It's so vital that we examine our own hearts and see if there are jealous thoughts in there.  If so, we need to confess those areas to the Lord and seek contentment.  We have to be that example to our girls.   

Why does the grass always seem greener on the other side? 


Courtesy of Google Image

I truly believe one of the greatest ways to help our kids combat discontentment, is to teach them about the importance of and give them opportunities to serve, love, embrace, share and put others first. The joy that comes through blessing others brings about true contentment!

I was reading in my Bible recently out of Exodus 35 & 36.  Moses had asked the Israelites to give of their personal belongings to help build the Lords Sanctuary.  Exodus 35:29 says, "So the people of Israel—every man and woman who was eager to help in the work the LORD had given them through Moses—brought their gifts and gave them freely to the LORD."  After the people had brought their materials, Bezalel, the craftsman chosen to do the work came to Moses and in Exodus 36:5 said, “The people have given more than enough materials to complete the job the LORD has commanded us to do!” They went above and beyond for the Lord. 

My desire is for my girls to have an eagerness to give, and not just give the bare minimum, but to go above and beyond for the Lord.  Almost a year ago "Mooki" began begging for an American Girl doll (which cost $100).   I helped her come up with a plan to earn the money.  She ended up earning $200+ by making and selling small bags. When we arrived at the American Girl doll store, "Mookie" turned to "Lover Girl" and announced that she was also buying her a doll! I was one proud mama in that moment. What an awesome act of kindness, generosity, and an eagerness to give!

I'm sure I am going to have many more, "I want, I need, I must have" conversations with my girls.  In the long run though, I pray my girls grow up to be women of influence for the things of God and to have huge impact in this world! 

Courtesy of Google Image

Things we do to help instill contentment:

• Avoid commercial media that targets kids
• Stay far away from toy stores!
• Request "already used" gifts at their birthdays
• Declutter their "stuff" a few times a year.
• Host an Operation Christmas Child Shoebox Party!

• Visit a local elderly care center at Christmas.
• Donate money to World Vision during the relief efforts in Haiti, per their request.
• Express thankfulness often.
• Learn about other cultures and their needs.
• Talk about missions and other service projects (with plans to do more of these things as they get older).
• Practice putting one another first in daily life.

  Other Resources:

• How to raise grateful kids!
• 100 ways for your family to make a difference  
• "Becoming a World Changing Family"
• Raising Unselfish Children in a Self Absorbed World
• When Cheese Sandwiches Make You Cry

Dancing Through The Seasons - Week 1
Dancing Through The Season - Week 2
Dancing Through The Seasons - Week 3

Coming up next week: 
"It's a bird! It's a plane! Wait it's Supermom"
(learning to have a standard of grace NOT perfection in your parenting)

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Photo courtesty of Dana Leigh Photography

Dancing Through The Seasons - Week 3

Photo courtesy of Dana Leigh Photography

My Little Girl Isn't So Little Anymore

It was late November and our family was out to pizza to celebrate "Mooki's" 8th birthday. I turned to my husband and jokingly said, "Well now that she is 8, I guess that means it’s almost time that we have 'the talk' with her". I knew she would have no idea what I meant by "the talk". However, she got this huge smile on her face and says, "Oh I know what you are talking about!” I got a little nervous and said, "You do?” I will never forget her response, "Yep you want to talk to me about when I can get a cell phone!" My husband and I looked at one another and had quite the laugh with that one.

I'm thankful for the innocence that my girls have and that they haven't been prematurely exposed to subject matters that their minds and hearts are not ready to hear.

I don't actually believe in having "the talk", in the sense of a one-time, never again, get-it-done-and-over-with kind of conversation.  I believe it must be on-going, appropriate to their age and maturity, and become more in depth over time.  I know for some moms they are much more reserved and it is more challenging to get up the nerve to talk about those very personal things. So if that is you, it's OK, just ask the Lord to give you those opportunities to share little tidbits with your girls and that you will begin to gain more confidence as you go along.  Often when a young child comes to you with a question they aren't seeking a 30 minute, pull out the diagram explanation, a sweet & simple response is sufficient. 

A 5 year old asked her mom, "Mommy is it ok for daddy to see you naked?" and her response was "Yes it is ok because he is my husband". That was that and the little girl headed off to play.



Periods-One thing my girls have already had a slight introduction to is women having their monthly cycle. I have never made a big deal about having my period. I strive not to gripe, complain, or make negative comments. My girls have seen my feminine products and I've explained to them that a period is a normal and natural thing which allows us to have babies!  I don't want it to seem shameful, embarrassing, or disgusting and I want my girls as ready as they can be. 

Prepare a gift basket to have ready for when they do start. Fill it with all the necessities and some fun things too: feminine products, chocolate, Aleve, deodorant, lotions, chapstick, etc. Make it a celebration!

How Babies are made - I love that my girls think that babies are made through prayer, you make a request to God and then he places a baby in your womb. However, during my pregnancy with "Sweet Pea", my oldest inquired for further explanations on how babies were made. I told her, "Well, God takes a piece of daddy and a piece of mommy to create the baby". That seemed to satisfy her curiosity for a while until one day she says,

  "I know God takes a piece of Daddy and a piece of you...but what piece does he take because I don't see any parts missing?"

At that point I simply said, "Well there is more I want to share with you about how babies are made but I'd like to wait until you are a little older so that I know your heart is ready to hear everything, is that ok?"

Modesty - Modesty is another topic that I am already discussing with my girls.  I appreciate fashion and style and "Mooki" has quite the fashion sense herself.  Obviously, many of the styles in department stores, and sadly in the kids department, are very inappropriate and immodest.  So when we go shopping we talk through "why" something is or isn't appropriate. They are learning to evaluate clothing and determine if it covers the areas that need to be covered.  We also take into consideration the  words and/or artwork on the clothing.

Courtesy of Google Image

Boy Talk - Recently I noticed "Mooki" acting a little giddy around a certain boy.  While out on a mother/daughter date I shared with her what I had observed.  She said, "Ok mom, I will tell you the truth, sometimes when I am around certain boys I wonder if maybe they are the person God has for me to marry."   Inside I was definitely laughing, it was super cute how she said it, but I was also thinking, "Really at 8 you already have those thoughts?"    I told her that she is still very young and she just needs to focus on friendships and not grown up stuff .  I also encouraged her to just be herself around everyone and that she should never feel like she needs to act, talk, or dress differently than who God made her to be....in order to "impress" anyone.  

On occasion when the topic of boys comes up in conversation, My husband and I share that we love our girls and want the very best for them, especially in who they marry someday.   We emphasize that we will be very involved and helping in the process of figuring out who God has for them to marry!

Not all little girls think so far into the future in regards to marriage.   However many girls are natural born "dreamers" even from a young age.   In the case of my oldest, I try to focus on the qualities of a future husband as opposed to talk about having a boyfriend.  When my girls are in that place, we'll talk more about boys and dating. For now they are learning how boys should treat a lady by how they see their dad treating me and them! They are learning about friendship, respect, and true acts of love.

courtesy of Google Image



Here are some recommendations of books for you to read:

• "Six ways to keep the Little in your girl"
  
• "8 great dates for moms and daughters"
• Gentle Passage
• Welcome to Womanhood
  Mother/Daughter books to read together:

• The Princess and the Kiss
• Gods Design for Sex Series
• From Girl to Woman
• Beautiful Girlhood
• Beautifully Made 

Coming up next week: "I want, I need, I must have: Helping our daughters to be content"

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Photo courtesty of Dana Leigh Photography

 

Dancing Through The Seasons - Week 2



Photo Courtesy of Dana Leigh Photography

"My daughter doesn't ever stop talking" 
(connecting with your daughter!)

The other night I laid on the top bunk with my 8 year old until 12:30 in the morning.  Was she scared? No.  Was she not feeling well? No.  She simply wanted to talk.  One of her favorite things to do is to lay in bed with me at nighttime and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk some more!  She was still going strong at 12:30am and I finally had to put my foot down and get my self to bed.  I'm pretty sure she could have lasted a few more hours.

Recently she had started to say something to her dad and suddenly stopped and said "Oh I don't know what I was gonna say, I just want to talk".  She was born with a personality that loves to talk, ask big questions, and think deep thoughts.  Her mouth always seems to be moving a mile a minute either talking, singing, whistling, rhyming, asking, or sharing.  

I'll admit, there are many times when I am just not in the mood for those questions, inquiries, or late night conversations.  But it is pretty amazing what takes place when I do make it a priority, when I do set aside the time, and when I do allow my girls to open up with me.

I certainly do well talking AT my girls.  I must be purposeful and intentional about setting aside uninterrupted time to talk WITH them and better yet, sit back and listen.  It allows me to have a glimpse into their hearts, their minds, their thoughts, their worries, their fears, their questions, and their desires.  They feel safe to confess things they have done or said that they are feeling conviction about.  

  It’s in those times that I have the opportunity to really connect with my girls!

Courtesy of Google Image


In her book, "Six ways to keep the little in your girl" , Author Dannah Gresh highlights the importance of really connecting with your daughter, why it matters, and how connecting forms values. I highly recommend reading this book if you have girls!

Connecting with my girls goes beyond talking too.  Knowing the things they love to do and participating alongside them is another very important way we can connect.  Some examples are getting down on the floor and playing at their level, snuggling on the couch, reading a favorite book together, allowing them to help in the kitchen, having a spa party or surprising them with a fun outing.  Yesterday I took my girls to an indoor trampoline park.  Initially I sat on the sidelines watching, but after several requests from my girls, I took off my boots and joined in on the fun!  And I must say, it was so much fun! 

I have been a lot more intentional this past year to plan activities with all my girls or one-on-one times.  Each of these special moments and late night talks are helping to build that connection between my girls and I. 

 

  Plan something special this week that will give your daughter that needed one-on-one time to open up and talk.

 

• Plan a Mother-Daughter date
• Pencil in a few times a month to have late night talks!
• Create a Mama & Me Journal and write little messages back and forth to each other.

Coming up next week:  My Little Girl Isn't So Little Anymore

If you haven't already, feel free to Subscribe here!

Photo courtesty of Dana Leigh Photography

Dancing Through The Seasons Series - Week 1

It's a Girl, It's a Girl, & It's another Girl!

(Left to Right) Mooki, Sweet Pea, & Lover Girl

In November 2003, six days past my due date, I became a mom for the very first time.  We didn't find out the gender, so after "Mooki" arrived, we heard, "It's a Girl" for the very first time.   When my firstborn came into this world, it was such a surreal feeling and one of total bliss.   I seemed to adjust well to life with a little one.  All those little milestones were captured in photos and videos: first smile, first words, first haircut, first table foods, and first steps .  I felt like I had things all figured out (ha!) in my role as a mom! 


When "Mooki" was around 18 months I got a huge wake up call!!  Tantrums, meltdowns, and defiant moments began happening!  What happened to my sweet little girl?  It became a pretty common practice for me to call my husband at work (or another family member) bawling my eyes out.  One day it might have been over pink nail polish on my brand new carpet and the next melt downs in the middle of the grocery store.  Just trying to get her dressed became this major saga.  She was extremely determined in everything and would not back down...it felt like an all out war at times...and I certainly wasn't going to let a toddler win!   

 

 A month after "Mooki" turned 2, I gave birth to "Lover Girl".  The first night home from the hospital my oldest was being very clingy and wanting me to hold her a lot, a normal reaction to a new baby sister I was guessing.  Suddenly she was complaining of not feeling well and threw up all over the floor.  I felt her head and realized she had a high fever too.  This was my initiation to life with a newborn and toddler! HELP!!

 

Sometimes I don't even know how I survived those early years as a mom.  One escaped out the door of a consignment store without my knowledge (thankfully a nice stranger came to the rescue).  We took a trip to the emergency room for a cut on the back of a head.  A fun "surprise" was brought to me and placed on the kitchen counter (I'll give you a hint...it usually goes in the toilet).  "Mooki" threw a screaming fit in the middle of Trader Joes that had me rushing out to my car with no groceries in hand.  I was on my knees a lot, and I wish I could say it was because I was praying, but instead it was because I was cleaning up crayon markings on the wall, nail polish on my floor, poo on the carpet, vomit, spills, etc... 

 

At the end of the day, when I laid my head on my pillow, and thought back on that days tantrums, mischievous behaviors, or defiant battles and how I handled those moments....I felt worn out, defeated, and was pretty certain I could win the award for the worst mom of the year.  Motherhood certainly wasn't at all what I had envisioned.

 

I'm still working my way through the toddler year with "Sweet Pea", daughter #3.  A few days ago I was once again on my knees cleaning up poo off the carpet.  Last night, "Sweet Pea" had a screaming fit during dinner.  She was refusing to put her bib on and I wouldn't give her food to her until she did.  With 3 girls in this home, there is always some sort of squabble, attitudes to be addressed, tears shed, whining tones, high pitched screams, manipulation tactics happening, or emotional needs to be met.

 

Here is the thing though, now when I lay my head to my pillow at night, I don't feel despair or defeat like I once did.  So what has changed?  My perspective on motherhood changed!  I'm not dragging my feet...I'm dancing (figuratively speaking - though I can bust out some pretty good running man moves).  I have such gratitude for the 3 blessings God has given my husband and I.  I'm thankful for every day I am able to spend with my girls and pour into their lives...even if our day has some tears or meltdowns.  I look back on those "imperfect" moments in our day and say, "Thank you Lord for using that situation as an opportunity to remind my girls and I how desperately we need you". 

 

I need the Holy Spirit to fill me with His wisdom, guidance, gentleness, self-control, grace, and love every day.   One thing I have done to help me be in the Word and praying on a more regular basis was to sign up for an online, "read through the Bible in the year plan", called You Version.  I also am participating in a 10 week online Bible Study through the book of Ephesians. 

 

What about you?  Can you relate to the challenges of raising kids?  Specifically little girls?  When you lay your head on your pillow at night do all the days events flood your thoughts?  Do you feel defeated?  Burdened?  Worn out?  It's time to put those dancing shoes on.

When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It's to enjoy each step along the way. Wayne Dyer

Being a mom, is the hardest journey of your life.  God has not called the equipped to be moms....he equips the called!  Find ways to spend time in His presence as often as you can!  Pour out your heart to the Lord and ask Him to give you a new perspective! 

Maybe Motherhood is a pretty amazing thing after all!

Coming up next week:  "My daughter doesn't ever stop talking"


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Photo courtesty of Dana Leigh Photography

Dancing Through The Seasons Series

Photo Courtesy of Dana Leigh Photography

Beginning February 1st I am starting a 5 week series called:

"Dancing Through The Seasons"

Every Wednesday I will post topics related to raising Girls! 

There have been many days when "Dancing" over motherhood was the last thing on my mind.  Instead I found myself in tears, dispair, having doubts and truly feeling as if I was the worst mom in the world.  I've cried out to God many times for wisdom to know how to handle different situations along the way.  One thing I am learning is that there are different "seasons", each with it's own joys and challenges....and it is possible to "Dance" through each one!

I pray the tidbits I share of my journey as a mom of 3 girls will encourage, inspire, challenge you, make you laugh, and bless you as a mom! 

I'd love to know if you will be apart of this series,

so feel free to leave me a comment.  Share some of your joys, concerns, and challenges in raising girls!

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