My failure is not final!

Today I failed miserably.... 

I failed to speak kindly.  I failed to have self control.  I felt to show love.

I acted impusively.  I acted selfishly.  I acted immaturely. 

I was left with regret.   I was left with remorse.   I was left wondering if I will ever get it right.

 

The reality is I have failed many times over, in one way or another, and that is not going to change.  Isn't that so encouraging?  Not really, I know. 

 

But we don't need to remain in that place of failure....it doesn't have to have the final say.  It simply leads us right back to the best position we can be in...at the feet of Jesus!   He went to the cross for our failures.  He paid the ultimate price for every single one of them.  So that we can move forward and be set free from the weight of our failures.  Now that is encouraging news!!!

 

In those moments, when I have failed to say or do the right thing, I question how God can use me?  How can I be effective for Him, when I am so...defected?



  

Was Abraham a defect?  How about King David, did he ever fail?  Was Moses without mistakes?

 

Abraham lied.  David committed adultery.  Moses murdered.

 

In Psalms 51, after David failed miserably, He cries out to God.  He humbles himself before His maker.  He turns his eyes upward.  He bends his knees downward.  He allows the sin to come outward.  His heart is made new.  He doesn't remain in his failure.

 

 

I may walk into the throne room before my King feeling like a big ol' failure,

but I walk out forgiven and clean....a brand new creation!  I walk away feeling so loved. 

 

Thank you Jesus that my failure is not final!  There is always hope in you!!  My life is full of amazing success because you are at the center of my life!

 

(P.S. - I am so thankful for friends who know me, know my heart, and point me right back to Jesus on days like today!!  What a blessing to have friends who know my failures but even more importantly know my successes!!) 

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One step at a time!

In a race there is nothing better than having people cheer you on from the sidelines.  This past Thanksgiving morning our family joined many others in the community for the annual "Turkey Trot" run.  It was a very cold morning but people came, lots and lots of people!  Everyone squeezed in near the starting line.  The announcer got on the loud speaker, "On your mark, get set, go"...we were off and running the 3.6 mile distance around the lake!  My husband was pushing our youngest in the stroller and beside him our 6 year old daughter ran.  I stayed back with our oldest one, who was 8 at the time (she's now a big 9 year old!).  She was struggling.  She kept complaining of different aches and pains.  She would jog for a few minutes then need to walk, jog for a minute, then walk again.  I strived to encourage her, "You can do this, just put one foot in front of the other, you got this!"  After what felt like a long time, we went under the final bridge and the finish line was in sight.  Up ahead, on the sidelines, I saw my husband and other 2 girls.  My 6 year old was cheering on her big sister!  "You can do it, run faster, you're almost there, keep going, faster, faster!!!" 

 

 

Back in December when I ran my first half marathon, they had volunteers stationed all throughout the race course and their job was to cheer, cheer, cheer us on!  "You got this", "Way to go", "You are doing awesome",  "You are almost done!" and on and on the cheering went!  In those moments when I felt tired and my legs felt like jello, it motivated me to keep moving forward and to take one step after another.  But there were moments, especially towards the end, when I was all alone and there was no outward voices there to cheer me on.  I had to dig deep.  It was in those moments I heard the Lord speaking to me and giving me the strength to put one foot in front of the other and not give up!"

Homeschooling can be compared to a race, a long distance race.  It is a journey of trust, stamina, perseverance, commitment, endurance, and taking one step at a time.  Being a homeschool mom does not mean you have it all together all the time. We are weak, we are imperfect, we lose our patience, and we have days we feel weary and overwhelmed. Being a homeschool mom means even more opportunities to run to Jesus, acknowledge our weakness and call out to Him for strength, perseverance, PATIENCE, and the right perspective!

God is your biggest fan and He is constantly cheering you on as you take each step, hour by hour, day by day, month by month, and year by year!  Here are some of His words of encouragement: 



 

 

 

 

 

I'm so thankful we are not alone on this homeschooling journey.  I'm so thankful that the Lord is with me step after step!  He guides me along, directs me, gives me courage, blesses me with the desires of my heart, brings freedom, rest, and pours out immeasurable grace and mercy.  He fills me with strength, power, joy, and peace for the journey!

 

 

 

 

 

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Staying Humble

 

As a blogger it could be so easy for me to choose to highlight only the good things in my life!  In only sharing the positives, I could easily paint a picture of perfection...a perfect home, perfect marriage, perfect children, and a perfect time with homeschooling.  But that is not me. 

 

I strive to be real, transparent, and vulnerable as I share my life with you.  When anyone ever makes a comment that implies my home/life is perfect I would say, "Oh if only you were a fly on my wall."  There are moments when I get ugly, mean, impatient, frustrated, stressed, and allow my flesh to make a grand appearance!  As was the case the other night.

 

As I have shared on here in the past, there have been some dark moments in my marriage.  Moments that seemed hopeless and feeling like I was standing at a dead end.  I use to allow my emotions to get the best of me and would say things and do things to be hurtful...because I felt hurt.

 

God has done a mighty work in my life, my heart, and my marriage...but every once in a while the flesh likes to poke it's ugly head up...because I'm not perfect.  A few nights ago I laid in bed, late into the night, door locked, and my husband sleeping elsewhere in the house.  I felt sick with myself.  Why did I say those words? Why did I take those actions? Why did I respond that way?

 

I thought back to earlier in the evening, to my sweet husband making me dinner after the girls were in bed (we had just filled our freezer with some beef and wanted to try out a steak).  I thought back to all his attempts to show love and affection.  I was too focused, too distracted, too busy for him.  Why do I make other things such a priority over my husband?

 

As I laid there in the bed, I thought ahead to this weekend, to a ladies retreat that I have planned and organized.  How could I show up to something like that and expect favor and blessing with any kind of ugly sin in my heart.  The Lord spoke so clearly to me, "Go to your husband, go and say your sorry, ask for forgiveness, make things right"

 

 

So I got up out of my bed and went to him.  I humbled myself and made right my wrongs (as did he!).  He held me in his arms, I cried and cried, but that heaviness was gone, that icky, yucky, dark, and all consuming feeling of sin was lifted.  We eventually returned to our bed and I fell asleep with such peace!

 

 God pursues us with such deep love but so often we ignore Him...we are too busy, too distracted, too focused, too much to do.  Why do we not make Him a priority? But yet He knows me by name and he holds his arms wide when I have yet again fallen...I run to him, I fall on my face, I repent, I cry, I ask for forgiveness and He takes me in his arms and showers me with love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, wholeness, and freedom!  I'm so thankful for a loving God who constantly does this for me, over and over again, without limits.

 

I am truly blessed...not perfect...but oh so blessed!

 

Choose humility!  Choose to lay down your pride!  Choose to put others first!  Choose to be selfless!  Are you going to fail at times?  YES!  But then choose humility again, and again, and again! 

 

 

 

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Homeschooling in 2013

 

Only a few days of Christmas break are remaining before we start back up with schooling.  I wanted to share a word that I hope brings you encouragement as you homeschool in 2013.

As I look back over the past few years of homeschooling my girls, I can see change, so much change in myself.  I started out being what I call a "research queen".  I pretty much spent all my free time checking out and familiarizing myself with every different kind of homeschool curriculum available, reading homeschooling blogs, homeschooling books, and homeschool magazines.  Not that any of those things are bad (thank you for taking time to read my homeschooling blog), but for me it was all consuming.  I spent a lot of time looking into ALL my options as I wanted the very best for my children.  I felt this huge weight on my shoulders, that it was entirely up to me and me alone to provide my girls with the very best education I could.   

I was also very structured and rigid.  Our entire day was written out on an hour by hour schedule.   There was also a lot of "butting heads" with my oldest and many frustrating moments (side note:  I love it when people say, "Oh I could never ever homeschool my child because we would butt heads all the time"....hello I think many homeschool parents encounter this sort of thing).  I was trying to be in control of everything!!  The Lord began showing me how I needed to release things to Him and not try and micro-manage and stress over all the day to day details.  I needed to put my trust in God completely, especially in the area of homeschooling.  He began to show me how to "Step Off The Beaten Path" and focus on the unique goals and vision He was calling me to in homeschooling, not a formula or a standard that our world says education should be and look like.  I began to slowly let go of the control, the expectations, the worry, and trying to imitate what I thought it needed to look like.

 

So the biggest change has been in me surrendering all those things to the Lord.  I didn't need to be constantly researching the latest and greatest curriculum (though I am thankful for where my researching has brought me too!), I didn't need a minute by minute schedule, and I didn't have to be at odds constantly with my children.  The Lord was calling me to a relationship based homeschool atmosphere not an academic one.  I also didn't need to prove myself and my ability to teach or prove that my children are socialized and intelligent "despite" being homeschooled to anyone.  I needed to trust and obey what the Lord was asking of me!   

So homeschool mom, are you trusting, truly trusting the Lord as you homeschool?  Is He ultimately in control or are you?  Are you doing things to please man or God?  Are you worried about impressing others or doing things to "prove" you can successfully homeschool your kids?  Are you constantly trying to micro manage everyone and everything?   Is there alot of tension, frustration, and stress in your home?   Are you always on the look out for the "perfect" curriculum for your family, but can't ever seem to find it?  It doesn't have to be that way! 

If I had to put into one word what I want 2013 to be about it would be: TRUST!!  I pray that in 2013 there would be freedom, joy and TRUST in your homeschooling journey!

Trust God with the bigger things and focus more on enjoying the little things this year!  The moments when your child crawls in bed for an early morning snuggle, the laughter you hear from the other room, putting on a tea party and inviting some friends over (I have girls so this is what we do!), listening as your child goes on and on and on about something, sweet hugs and kisses, reading God's word to your kids or better yet hearing them read it to you for the first time, seeing your child humble themselves and ask for forgiveness, running to greet daddy when he gets home from work, seeing the light bulb come on for your child as they finally grasp something you have been teaching them!  There are so many precious little moments in the day to grab ahold of and enjoy!  

 

  Focus on relationship and discipleship above anything else! Give yourself permission to relax! Ask the Lord to show you how to reach the heart of your child who you have struggles with and seem to clash with. Seek to understand more clearly the direction, vision, and goals the Lord would have you to focus on with your children.  There is no cookie cutter, one-size-fits-all approach to homeschooling....so choose above all else to trust the Lord in whatever He may be calling you to do or not to do in 2013!

 

 

 

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You make me new.

Wow...2013 is right around the corner!!  How is it that the older you get the faster time flies by?  I had a tradition for many years of sitting down and writing out a list of new years resolutions/goals.  I haven't done this in awhile.  I do believe there is something very significant about reflecting on the year you just completed and having a vision for the year ahead.  We are not meant to remain, to be stagnant, to stay stuck...there is always room for growth, change, and newness to unfold in our lives!

Last December, I can clearly remember feeling so relieved to be leaving 2011 in the past and entering 2012.  It truly felt like a new beginning, a fresh start, a blank slate. 

I was wounded, hurting, weak, and had gone through most of 2011 with an unbearable weight of burdens, pain, and heartache on my shoulders.  2012 couldn't come fast enough and when it did...I felt thankful, relieved, and excited for the new year.  And what a wonderful year it has been!

Did you know God is a God of new beginnings, fresh starts, and blank slates?  Well He is...He really, really is! 

 

He can take old, dirty, worn down, broken, dark and rusted and exchange it for something new, clean, whole, and shining!  He can take sorrow and bring joy.  He can take filth and wash it white as snow.  He can take defeat and bring triumph.  He can take hopelessness and bring joy.  He can take our failures and turn them into successes.  He can and does bring life to the emptiest of places!
 

It's funny how last year I couldn't wait for a new year and now as 2012 comes to and end I am soaking up every minute I can, wishing 2013 could hold off for just a bit longer.   

I am thankful for so much in 2012!  A God who heard, who moved, who transformed, who blessed, who strengthened, who challenged, and who made me new!   But I know there is even more God has for me in the coming year! 

Here is to a new year!  I pray 2013 is full of newness in your life.  New friendships, new experiences, new opportunities, new successes, new attitudes, new perspective, new vision, new miracles, new discoveries, and new beginnings! 

For all you homeschooling moms, I also pray a fresh and new perspective with homeschooling.  If this past year has been a challenge, an adjustment, a chore and day to day homeschooling felt overwhelming, stressful, and full of frustration....I pray 2013 would be full of peace and purpose and passion! 

 



**photos were taken from Pinterest

 

 

 

 

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LOVE WINS!!

I was recently reading words being expressed by the family of Ana Márquez-Greene, one of the children who died in the Connecticut shooting, their motto during this very painful time is, "Love Wins".  On a website created to remembering Ana it says, "Love Wins! This is how we remember Ana Grace. Despite the sadness caused by the recent events, the power of Ana's spirit and love will pull us together and guide us through these most difficult of circumstances. Love will overcome, Love will provide strength, and in the end Love Wins!"

 

 

What an amazing statement to proclaim in the midst of pure evil and absolute heartache. 

 

Love wins, love wins, love wins!!

 

 

Christmas day we celebrate the birth and the life of our Savior! 

 

 

 

A Savior who would introduce us to the most amazing, unexplainable, sacrificial and unconditional kind of love ever!  A love deeper, wider, stronger, bigger, and more powerful than any thing on this earth!

 

  A love that is so powerful it is able to penetrate even the hardest of hearts!  A love so big that it can overpower the darkest acts!  A love so strong it can conquer over any evil.  A love that brings hope to the hopeless.  A love that gives joy to the sorrowful.  A love that brings forgiveness to the bitter soul.  A love that empowers the timid to boldness.  A love that sets a sinner free!

As you go about your day, opening gifts, laughing with loved ones, enjoying delicious food and goodies, may you be reminded of God's love for you! 

 

LOVE WINS!!

 

Merry Christmas - Let love rule and reign in your hearts today and everyday!

 

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December 14th, 2012

There are dates that will forever be etched in our memories, of those April 20th, 1999 - the Columbine Shooting and 9-11 when thousands were killed at the hands of a horrible act of terrorists.  And to add to those dates is December 14th, 2012, when a senseless and evil act by one human being took the lives of 20 innocent first grade children and 6 adults.

My heart aches and the tears come randomly and often in my day and at night when my head lays on the pillow.  Children who are the same age as my middle child.  I absolutely can not imagine what these families are facing right now.  I pray because that is all I know to do.  I cry out to God for his peace and mercies to pour out on those hurting and on the children who survived but will face nightmares and trauma in the coming days and years ahead. 

Many of us ask the question of "Why?  Why would someone do such a terrible act, especially taking the lives of precious children?  How could someone stoop so low and do something so evil, so dark, so senseless?"  We live in a fallen and broken world.  Go back to the beginning and you see Cain kill his very own brother.  We live in a world of sin, pain, hopelessness, and darkness.  There is a massive battle in the spiritual realm, one we can neither see or fully understand, but a very real battle for our souls.  The Bible says, "Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour."

The man who did this senseless act, whose name doesn't deserve any credit at all, was living in a world of darkness.  It was a plan straight from the pit of hell.  He did not know God's love and He fumbled in the dark.  He knew no light. 

In John 8:12 it says, "Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, "I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won't have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life."  We will continue to see evil played out for as long as we live on this earth.  But we can all be a light in this dark world and reach out to those who are in the dark.  Who do you know who needs to experience the love of God, to feel his embrace, to have the weight lifted, the darkness removed?  We all know someone.

Today we remember those precious children and women whose lives were taken abruptly.  "Lord, please shine in the midst of this darkness and tragedy.  Embrace those who are hurting deeper than they ever imagined possible.  Bring your peace and forgiveness to their hearts.  I ask you to comfort those moms, dads, siblings, husbands, children, grandparents, friends and an entire community who are mourning.  Help each of us across the nation and world who are struggling to wrap our minds around something so horrific.  May good somehow come from this tragedy as many turn their hearts and lives over to you.  Thank you for being our refuge, help and strength in difficult times.  In Jesus name I pray.  Amen". 

 In Loving Memory of:

Charlotte Bacon, 6

 

Daniel Barden, 7

 

Rachel Davino, 29

 

Olivia Engel, 6

 

Josephine Gay, 7

 

Ana Marquez-Greene, 6

Dylan Hockley, 6

 

Dawn Hochsprung, 47

 

Madeline Hsu, 6

 

Catherine Hubbard, 6

 

Chase Kowalski, 7

 

Jesse Lewis, 6

 

James Mattioli, 6

 

Grace McDonnell, 7

 

Anne Marie Murphy, 52
 

Emilie Parker, 6

 

Jack Pinto, 6

 

Noah Pozner, 6

 

Caroline Previdi, 6

 

Jessica Rekos, 6

 

Avielle Richman, 6

 

Lauren Rousseau, 30

 

Mary Sherlach, 56

 

Victoria Soto, 27

 

Benjamin Wheeler, 6

 

Allison Wyatt, 6

(photos courtesy of abcnews.com)

 

 

The one thing that brings me peace is to know that Jesus has embraced these children and women in His arms!  They are safe now!

 

 

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